The Bruni Digest

In which I sit on a dirt mound somewhere in Brooklyn with my ears pricked, waiting for New York Times head restaurant critic Frank Bruni, who I imagine to be a Venetian count in a huge ruffled collar, to dole out stars from the inside breast pocket of his brocaded chamber robe. This blog is predicated on the suggestion that every Wednesday, in the Times Dining Out section, Frank lays a huge faberge egg of hilarity.

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Location: New York, New York, U.S. Outlying Islands

I am fiscally irresponsible, which means I have weak bones and a dorsal fin. And a penchant for dining out, even though I am, in the words of many rich people, a "poor people". I make a different face when speaking each of the foreign languages in which I am shittily proficient.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Amazed at a Grudge, INDEED!





(scroll to the bottom)

Update: For the record, I do think about things other than the NY Times Dining Section. For the most part, if you're looking me in the eye and I seem to be listening to you, be advised that I'm technically ignorning you and 100% thinking about lunch. But the "restaruant grudge" column in the Times was so huffy and vapid that I had to write a letter, the publication of which constitutes a pretty delicious morsel for anyone with an ironic palate.


Blogger happy-go paradeboy said...

Good gracious. The scene is set, the mustached nebish-y scientist, authoritative with his knowledge, but physically weak, trapped in the bunker with all the gung-ho, militaristic generals, turns to the colonel who has unleashed the plague that will destroy all of mankind and intones, "My God, man. What have you done?" "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know." "May God have mercy on our souls." Fade to black.

It must be nice to have a girlfriend who is all four horsemen of the apocolypse rolled into one buxom package. New York will miss you.

5:47 AM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger violet said...

you don't know me. but i'm a fan of your work.

and that's really fucking hilarious they published your letter. cheers.

2:30 PM, April 12, 2006  
Anonymous Plainsman said...

I think they're just nervously trying to humor you, while waiting for the judge to sign that freaking restraining order already. :)

BTW, major curveball this week: Bruni reviews an Italian restaurant.

3:01 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger Justin Kreutzmann said...


well done indeed.

10:09 PM, April 12, 2006  
Blogger Justin Kreutzmann said...


well done indeed

10:09 PM, April 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, good on ya. now get back to poop-talking and finding amazing photos of retarded adults in chintzy costumes.

10:28 AM, April 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For a minute, I thought you were Drew Nieporent.... :)

7:02 PM, April 15, 2006  
Blogger S said...

I dunno ... the radical moderate in me sees both sides here (even if I see one a bit more clearly).

I mean, if my ordering Entree B as opposed to Entree A is going to make the server cranky, then why is Entree B on the menu? Ditto the decision to pass on the tasting menu (if the response really was as frosty as reported, that is). My thoughts as a diner are, "Yes, I will look at the specials first and I will gladly listen to your recommendations, but nobody's told me what to order since I was, oh, nine."

That said, the column went way beyond the appropriate response (which is to say, telling your friends the story over dinner or drinks and then getting over it, especially if you liked the food.)

At most, the incident was worth a politely mystified note to the management. But a public grudge?


Then again, that's just me.

On balance, though, you were right to call her on the column.

Crap, I sound almost rational today. Need more caffeine.

2:24 PM, April 16, 2006  
Blogger Adrian said...

It happens.

7:34 PM, April 16, 2006  
Blogger Jules said...

Awww, I am getting around to responding to this late, but
that's going on my epitaph, Paradeboy ("all four horsemen of the apocolypse rolled into one buxom package.") And that epitaph will very likely be carved into a block of chintzy pink limestone this Friday after Cinco de Mayo.

4:35 PM, May 04, 2006  

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